if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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