R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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