I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
