thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
