shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
