Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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(513): View more from Ohio

he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

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(949): View more from California

I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...

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(702): View more from Nevada

She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...

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(253): View more from Washington

How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?

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(435): View more from Utah

And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great

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(315): View more from New York

I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame

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(303): View more from Colorado

I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye

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