If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
