hell yes lets make some ravioli
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
