i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
