If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
