covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's blow job season.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
