I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
