Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
