I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
