covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
