i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
