And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He has the fingertips of a God
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