if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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