I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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