Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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