just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
