I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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