I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
