You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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