dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
