PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize