no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
