im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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