i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
