I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
