A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
