he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
