so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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