Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
