I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
