I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
