the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
