just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
