Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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