Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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