I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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