is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
