I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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