Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
should my penis look like a turkey
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
