So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
