I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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