I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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