all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
