I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
