dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
