I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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