And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
