I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
