Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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