things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
