you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
