i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
