so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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