burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize