every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
