My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
