My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
