I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
