I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
