she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Text me some of your sweat
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