the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
