I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
