Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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