Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
