I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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